Redirection is a tool we use regularly in the classroom; it is probably one of the tools that we use the most throughout our day. Redirection is how we maintain firm limits while offering options when a child is frustrated she can’t do an activity right now, when she is using a material in an unsafe way, when she is having trouble self-directing, is running in the classroom, is having a disagreement with a friend, is hanging from the tree branches… It is what you can use at home when your child doesn’t want to eat the dinner the rest of the family is eating, demands her brother share a toy he is using, wants something from the grocery store that is not on the list…

Redirection is a way to avoid saying “no” and “don’t” and “stop.” It doesn’t feel good as an adult to say no, and it doesn’t feel good as a child to receive no. As anyone who has lived or worked with toddlers know well, no is a way to test boundaries, to gain control, to exert power. No is power, and, when overused, it becomes authoritarian power. It is developmentally appropriate for toddlers to exert power in this way, because they have little control over their lives- they don’t yet have all the language to express their needs, nor do they have the ability to independently take care of their needs. As adults, we don’t have this developmental excuse! No and stop must be saved for those moments when we really need it. In the classroom, we try to avoid these words as often as possible, and so when we use them, their power is felt and respected by the child.

One day I was sitting in my chair and across the room I saw a child holding a pair of scissors, reaching out and carefully positioning them at the top of another child’s braid. As their fingers drew the blades of the scissors together, and without time to move across the room and intervene, I had no choice but to call out stop! The child immediately stopped, looked at me and smiled a little surprised, nervous smile. I smiled back and motioned for the child to come over to me, and they came right away. “I noticed you were holding scissors and admiring Anna’s braid. I was worried about her hair getting cut, I don’t think she would like that. Would you like to keep practicing with those scissors? You could do collage and use them to cut paper. Or you could help me cut some fabric for sewing. Which would you prefer?”

Stop and no are reserved for moments when there is urgency and no time to offer more language. If a child is nearing an intersection on their scooter and isn’t slowing down. If they are getting too close to the flame on the stove. If they are hurting another child. In these moments we say stop or no, and when the immediate danger has passed, we come back and offer language. We problem solve together. When we use stop, no, don’t, can’t over and over without offering outlets, solutions or alternatives, they become meaningless, and often the child stops registering them altogether. If these words don’t become meaningless, they will likely trigger a meltdown. If they don’t trigger a meltdown, they will encourage the child to find a way to do that thing next time without getting caught. In all of these possibilities there exists a breakdown of trust between adult and child, and that breakdown will only exacerbate these negative behaviors and complicate the resolution.

Many times, we think of redirection as equivalent to distraction, but it is much more than that. It offers options, choice and reflection. It allows a child to evaluate the choices they have made and to assess their future possible choices. It allows them to practice problem solving and coping skills. Redirection is less about distracting a child away from what is upsetting them, and more about problem solving, communication, and empowerment. It asks us to model emotional-regulation, creative thinking, and patience. Redirection requires and demonstrates respect. We cannot redirect if we do not first connect emotionally with the child. “I hear how upset you are…” “I see you are feeling frustrated…” “I can tell it is hard to wait right now…” “I’m here when you’re ready to talk…” Redirection shifts us away from the authoritarian adult (demanding full obedience and exerting full control) and towards the authoritative adult (offering high warmth, as well as high control; offering freedom within limits).

When we redirect a child, we must first ask ourselves what the root of their behavior is. We must acknowledge the why, and only then can we offer a positive outlet. For example, a child was painting at their table, but then began to paint on the wall behind it. Is the child bored? Are they psychologically finished with their work? Did they want to experiment painting on a different type of surface? Were they missing their easel from school, where they get to paint standing up? Were they testing limits? Needing quality time with their adult? Rather than leading with anger, redirect and offer choices, while still maintaining accountability. “I see that you painted on the wall. Were you interested in painting something other than your paper? Would you like to paint a rock? Or we could tape some paper onto the wooden fence outside? Okay, we can do that, but first we need to clean this up. We always take care of our home. Next time you want to experiment with paint, come find me first and we can think together about what you could paint.”

Redirecting is not always clean and tidy; it can be messy. There may need to be a break where the child calms down in their quiet space- a child who is melting down is not cognitively available to reason or learn. Helping them emotionally regulate first does not mean you are letting their behavior go unchecked. Once they have calmed down you can return to have the conversation about choices, responsibility or consequences. Then you can make a plan together about how to fix something that was broken, make amends with a sibling who was hurt, and brainstorm what to do instead/next time. There is no definite answer, we must meet the child where they are in each moment and get creative.

Here are some examples of how to use positive phrasing to redirect a child. Positive phrasing moves us away from deficit thinking (thinking about the problems- the can’t, don’t, stop, no) and towards constructive and positive thinking (what can the child do).

Instead of: Don’t hang from the tree branch.                                       

Try: Let’s protect this tree and its branches so it can keep growing. You can hang from the monkey bars.

Instead of:  Stop running inside.   

Try: It is so fun to run outside on the playground!  We will go outside to play soon. While we are inside, you can walk. Would you like to walk on the line and balance a bean bag on your head?                                                                                      

Instead of:  Don’t bang those blocks together.

Try: At school we take care of our work. Would you like to use this carefully or would you like to put it away?

Instead of:  You can’t paint on the easel; Emily is using it.

Try: Emily is painting on the easel right now. I can tell you really want to do that, too. Waiting is hard. While you wait, would you like to paint with watercolors or draw with pastels?

Instead of: Stop fighting with your brother.

Try: It seems like you are having a disagreement about who had this toy first. Would you like to try to work it out together or would you like to take some time to play alone? If you can’t come to an agreement, I can hold onto and you can find other toys to play with.

When we redirect, we shift away from no and don’t, and towards can. Children thrive when they feel they have choice, autonomy and control. We cannot give them full control over everything in their life, that would be unsafe and irresponsible, but we can offer them freedom within limits, and we can do it with consistency and care. In Montessori from the Start: The Child at Home, Paula Polk Lillard writes that the adult’s work is to “teach children limits with love or the world will teach them without it.” To teach a child redirection is to teach them self-regulation, to help moderate impulse and inhibition, support problem solving, creative thinking, responsibility. It is to set them up for success in the future. To offer redirection is to set up your relationship to be one of trust, love and honesty, so that in the future if your child runs into a challenging situation their first thought isn’t, “My parent can’t find out about this,” but rather, “I want to talk to my parent about this.”